it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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