his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
