It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
