What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
