Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
