can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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