I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
