it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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