hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
