I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
