then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
