you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
