i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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