Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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