please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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