someone threw a dead crab at me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
