worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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