Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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