my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
