Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I understand Curling. That high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
