All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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