Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
