I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
