It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
