I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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