Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
