Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
