Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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