So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
vagina is talking i cant
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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