so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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