Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
