you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When did angry sex become our thing?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
