How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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