i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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