I am puke
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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