I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there's paper in my vomit.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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