I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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