So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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