i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
