Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
