You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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