Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
