You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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