Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
