Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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