we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
