How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
