is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
