sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
