a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
