She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
